혼자 보내는 크리스마스가 어때서. 남들 다 사랑이며 가족이며 타인과 함께 보내며 즐거워 하는 건 남 일이고 나 까지 그렇지 않다고 해서 딱하게 여길 필요는 없지. 자기연민은 최악이야. 저물어가는 12월 끝에 내일조차 싫은 인간은 기대할 게 없다고. 그런데 문득 네가 생각나는 거야. 함께 보내는 크리스마스는 어떨까. 하루가 멀다하고 종이며 키보드만 더듬을 손이 잡아주기라도 하려나, 싶은 망상 같은 거. 슈톨렌이라도 사갈까, 눈은 내릴까, 목도리를 하나 챙기는 게 좋을까…. 카세트 테이프가 재생되면 그럴싸한 캐롤도 틀어두는 거지. 그래도 머라이어 캐리는 지겨워. 그런데 또 굳이 비관적일 필요는 없는 것 같아. 가끔은 화이트 크리스마스도 좋겠지. 광장의 트리도 1년에 딱 한 번 크게 반짝이잖아. 내일이며 다음 해를 기대하게 될지도 몰라. 함께 보낼 크리스마스를. 다 이렇게 사는 거라며?
What's so bad about being alone on Christmas anyway? Everyone else enjoying love and family with others is their thing, and just because I'm not doing that doesn't mean anyone should pity me. Self-pity is the worst. At the end of fading December, a person who hates even tomorrow has nothing to look forward to. But then suddenly you pop into my head. What would a Christmas together be like? Just a delusion like—will those hands, fumbling with paper and keyboards all day, actually hold mine? Should I buy some Stollen, will it snow, should I grab a scarf... If the cassette tape plays, I could put on a decent carol too. Still, Mariah Carey is exhausting. But then again, no need to be so pessimistic. A white Christmas could be nice once in a while. Even the tree in the square shines bright just once a year. Maybe I'll end up looking forward to tomorrow, and next year too. To the Christmas we'll spend together. Isn't this how everyone lives?
What's so bad about being alone on Christmas anyway? Everyone else enjoying love and family with others is their thing, and just because I'm not doing that doesn't mean anyone should pity me. Self-pity is the worst. At the end of fading December, a person who hates even tomorrow has nothing to look forward to. But then suddenly you pop into my head. What would a Christmas together be like? Just a delusion like—will those hands, fumbling with paper and keyboards all day, actually hold mine? Should I buy some Stollen, will it snow, should I grab a scarf... If the cassette tape plays, I could put on a decent carol too. Still, Mariah Carey is exhausting. But then again, no need to be so pessimistic. A white Christmas could be nice once in a while. Even the tree in the square shines bright just once a year. Maybe I'll end up looking forward to tomorrow, and next year too. To the Christmas we'll spend together. Isn't this how everyone lives?
